Dear Son,
I want you to know that I think about you every day. I think about you when I hear a child laugh and wonder what your laugh sounds like. I think about you when I see the kids on their way to school, I wonder how you’re doing in school and what your favourite subjects are. I think about you at night when I close my eyes and see your beautiful face once more.
You are now almost the same age that I was when I fell pregnant with you. Can you imagine how it would feel, at seventeen, to be a father? You would panic and feel that the world would never be the same. You may even think that your life as you knew it was over, and you’d be right. No matter what decision you made, or what action you took, your life could never the same again.
I made the best decision I could. I was a hurt, angry kid and needed to get my head on straight. I could never have helped you become the person you are today. I wasn’t strong enough. If I had kept you it would have been disastrous for both of us. I was too young to help another person discover their potential, I hadn’t even discovered mine. It took a long time to come to the decision to give you up for adoption, but it was the only choice for the two of us.
I found a family that could love you and take care of you, it was the least I could do. I knew that it would be hard for me but it was for the best. Please, you must understand that my decision came from love. My love for you drove everything I did then. I quit doing drugs, stopped smoking, and even ate better - all for love of you.
Why is this poem called a mothers regret ?
sounds to me like someone is telling porkies again !
But wait ! this rings the bell is the back of my head, ive heard this before ! After a few mins i remember where i had read it, along with many other touching stories that ive laughted over the years.
Chain mails !! Yeah thoese sinister e-mails set up to dupe you into feeling sad so’ll you’ll pass on your mail to 10 people for a wish HA, more like collection information.
i doubt this will get posted because ” Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author ” and we all know who american are at covering things up these days.
well on the brigter side of life you know she never killed herself.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2006
Actually this is real. I gave my son up for adoption at the age of 17. This is an exercise in closure. I was trying to move on from a haunting and painful experience.
I can tell from you gleeful reaction you’ll be happy to know that it didn’t work. My pain endures as does my complete sense of loss.
I published this hoping maybe he would see it and - even though he wouldn’t know it was directed or inspired by him - be comforted by it. It is the only comfort I could ever offer him.
Twat!
A.L. Harper
May 15th, 2006
why dont u go find ur son and be like, yo, im ur dad? if u really cared that much u would… seeing as it appears as though u want to tell him something
it is PATENTLY obvious that a) ur son wont ever see this site, but if he does b) he wont know it involves him
i cannot understand what you’ve been through (im only 15, and im typing shit because i cannot be bothered right now) but you seem to think this letter is going to make a difference. i cannot see how in any way having this letter on the web can comfort you
just my 2c
Anonymous
May 15th, 2006
Pardon me, but does this not seem rather selfish, not your poem but your last comment. Why wouldn’t you mention any names, maybe your child would have gotten it. But if you don’t want your child to find out who wrote this but you want someone to be inspired and it makes you feel good to let the world know, then that to me seems a bit selfish
But of course that is just my opinion.
Its not easy, that I understand, but everyone is capable of error and everyone makes mistakes, most people are forgiving if they have a good sense of moral values. But you’ll never know unless you go seek the truth for yourself.
Dino,
Anonymous
May 15th, 2006
Hi Ms Harper, i just read your open letter and really admire your courage for writing and posting it. I can only imagine the pain, anguish and fear you must have felt esp. being pregnant and on drugs at such a young age.
I hope your son and other children that have been put up for adoption read it and believe it.And maybe one day he will be able to comprehend and appreciate why you did what you had to do.
David
May 15th, 2006
I appreciate that you read this. But I think you missed one vital detail.
Dude I’m a girl.
A.L. Harper
May 15th, 2006
David
Thank you for understanding.
“I hope your son and other children that have been put up for adoption read it and believe it.And maybe one day he will be able to comprehend and appreciate why you did what you had to do.”
This is really all I can hope for.
I don’t know who he is or where he is and I probably never will. But this Blog is published in my name so if he wants to find me he could.
I hope.
A.L. Harper
May 15th, 2006
Wow, I don’t believe some of the replies to this. I can just assume it’s to do with age and immaturity, or lack of life experience. Or maybe it’s just that teenage pregnancies have, unfortunately, become the norm in the UK.
Maybe if these people realised what the world and society was like 20 years ago they would appreciate what you had to do. I get the impression that many young/teenage parents, esp. in the UK, use babies as a means of obtaining state hand-outs and do not realise and appreciate the full responsibilities of being a proper and caring parent.
I hope one day your son does try and find you and the two of you can get to know each other, or at least spend some time together.
David
May 15th, 2006
Hey Ms Harper
Im Just a 16 year old kid, and i dont think my opinion would matta much, but styll, i dunno what the others r sayin, but writtin up ur thoughts and sharin it with every1 is the best way to get off da pain, whenever i have problems, i write letters to my gurlfriend, and yes it dose help annonamous person, because u thien have ppls who care. Now wit dis issue, everytime im “doin sumtin” with my gurl, i dread to every get into that situation, and i bet if ur son/daugter is bout my age, they woudl understand why u would have to give em up,neways, this blog is an awsome way to find ur child, *if he is able to use the web lol*, cuz the first page that pops up on google when i type in ur name is this, so yea good start. and just a question, wouldnt u at least have a phoen number or sumtin from where every u gave her/him up for adoption so they can track where ur child went? neways good luck on finding ur baby, for time being pray to God, its probably the best thing for now
Ttyl
ViBE
DT_ViBE
May 15th, 2006
[quote]Can you imagine how it would feel, at seventeen, to be a father?[/quote]
Seeing as you’re a female, it should be “mother.”
Anonymous
May 16th, 2006
To anonymous first…
you need to learn how to read…
she aked her SON how he would feel being a FATHER at 17.. Her SON can’t be a MOTHER idiot.. Read it again… Anonymous
And to Ms Harper,
I was a 17 year old mum I now have a 8 year old daughter…. and yes it was hard, my patrner and I have been together 10 years now and we are lucky that we had the support we did when we had our daughter, or I would now be in the same position as you…
I believe someone who is great enough to not be selfish and give someone life, even when you know that life will be lived somewhere else has to be given the utmost RESPECT.. and I give this to you because, otherwise… where would your kid be now..
Don’t let others get you down..
You did the right thing and gave your child the best life you could offer….. a loving family…
Suzie
May 22nd, 2006
wow…that’s very touching. Thank you for sharing this.
–RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com
RC
May 25th, 2006
Suzie
I’m impressed that you have managed to keep it together starting at 17. You and your partner must be strong people.
I take my hat off to you.
A.L. Harper
May 28th, 2006