A.L. Harper

It’s not that she doesn’t want to….It’s just that you’re crap.

No, really, you are. Women LOVE sex just as much as men do. Really! If it’s good women LOVE to fuck. If your girlfriend or partner (or other) doesn’t want to have sex it’s because you’re crap. Of course she hasn’t told you that before. Women will talk to each other about how crap you are but won’t tell you. Why?! Well do you really want the woman you love (or whatever) to tell you that you can’t shag and frankly she would rather have a nice hot bath and masturbate while thinking of Brad, George, Ewan or Johnny? Of course she isn’t going to tell you! So I am! And if you’re thinking that you don’t need to know this, because you don’t have a girlfriend or partner (or other) there is probably a reason that you don’t. Also – FYI women love to gossip about the men at the pubs and clubs they go to – who’s good who’s not. So it really is in your best interest to read this and remember it! I have given this same advice to many male friends. Believe me it WILL help.

There are a few things all men need to know.

1. How a woman touches you is how she wants to be touched. (Told you this is good stuff!)

When you go in for the kiss and she softly touches your cheek or the back of your neck - she is showing you where she wants you to touch her and how. Pay attention to her reactions. You will be able to tell if she is enjoying herself or not. If she isn’t she’ll let you know. She will also let you know where to touch her. Follow her lead.

2. Your tongue in NOT an electric whisk. Slow the fuck down already!

For some reason that I and, oh so many of my female friends have never been able to figure out men think that, when they are kissing you, the faster and deeper their tongue is the better. BULLSHITE! It isn’t a race and you’re not mining for coal. I’m a person and I need to breathe.

3. Flat tongues are better for licking.

Think of licking an ice cream cone. Your tongue should cover as much surface area as possible. How would you want her to lick your cock? With a small pointy tongue, she’s not writing her name. When you have your tongue in a woman’s fanny (for you Americans out there that means cunt in Britain) you want to start at the bottom and lick all the way up. And this too is not a race although some women like it when you go deep here. I know I do.

And my final tip (for now) is a general one.

4. Tell her what you’re thinking!

Women LOVE that. Tell her you love the way she kisses, you love how soft her skin is, her hair smells so good. Tell her she tastes good. I personally love it when my husband tells me (right after entering me) how good I feel, how much he loves being inside me. Women like to hear these things.

There are exceptions to all these rules however in my experience listening to women – not to mention being one who has been with a few men - these are basic rules that hold fast.

ENJOY!

This entry was posted on Monday, January 2nd, 2006 at 12:44 pm and is filed under Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.